The Half Time Show Heard Round the World
"Why are my nipples inappropriate and Garrett's aren't?" Leila's question as she got in the shower was a good one but not one I wanted to try to have while she was in the shower because, with two perforated eardrums, her hearing isn't great right now and add the running water, there wouldn't be a chance of our conversation working out well.
While she showered, I gathered pajamas for everyone with her question on my mind. As soon as she was out of the shower and I was helping her brush her wet hair, she repeated her question, "Why are my nipples inappropriate and Garrett's aren't?" By now Caleb was getting in the shower and wanted to hear our conversation and took the fastest shower I've ever seen him take.
Side note: We are a very open family in the way of nudity... not intentionally I suppose, but my kids are frequently walking in and out of our bathroom and see Allen, me, and one another naked. The only conversation I remember Allen and I having about it was when I asked if he thought we should start keeping the kids out of the bathroom when we showered. His response was, "They'll get to a point where they are embarrassed to see us naked and they'll stop walking in."
Having nudity non-taboo in our home naturally begins a lot of good conversations with our kids about our bodies, puberty, pornography, sexual safety, boundaries, etc. Why does the skin on your belly look funny Mom? Why is there hair there? When will I get breasts? Do not take pictures or videos of anyone else or yourself naked (as they walk in taking pictures of me in the shower on my phone). Oops, my bottom is one of my private parts, don't touch it.
I digress, back to the question at hand. My response was along the following lines: Leila, your nipples are not inappropriate. Our private parts are not inappropriate. Our whole bodies, including our nipples, are beautiful and awesome! Our bodies do amazing things and our privates are important. When we've said that you need to wear a swim top to swim or a shirt to go out of the house, it is because it is inappropriate to show our private parts to others. There are other countries and cultures where a girl's/woman's nipples are not considered a private part. In America, they are and so we keep them covered when we are not in private.
Our conversation continued for a lot longer than I intended, as they had more body questions, but what I want to hash out now is where my thoughts turned when I discussed cultural differences regarding what is/is not appropriate.
This was Tuesday night; the Super Bowl and it's "controversial" half time show were fresh on my mind, as the Super Bowl had just been on Sunday and there had been a lot of people having big reactions to the half time show on social media. We had paused the game during the second quarter to get our kids to bed and were cleaning up the kitchen when halftime began. Allen and I were cleaning and halfway watching but when the pole came on stage, we felt uncomfortable with the direction the performance may be headed and fastforwarded to the start of the second half.
I didn't really give the half time show another thought until everyone on social media started sharing their opinions of it. I read a couple of articles about the performance and have continued to ruminate on my thoughts and feelings with regards to Shakira and J Lo's performance and everyone's reactions to it. And now here's where my conversation with Leila opened my eyes a little... hundreds of thousands of people can watch the same performance and have completely different opinions about it because what each person deems appropriate is different based on their cultural/background differences.
I wanted to take a step back and see what made me uncomfortable when I watched it. So first I looked at my background with regards to the show: white, straight, married, religious, mom, non-dancer, athlete... in no particular order:
Bias 1- Married: If I were single, I would have watched and enjoyed the half time show. Get ready for complete vulnerability here; this is something I have only ever admitted to my journal and to Allen because it's embarrassing: after getting married I started having issues with anxiety. I grew up in a home where I felt loved, accepted and safe. Getting married made me realize that I was suddenly more emotionally dependent on another person than I'd ever been. My parents wouldn't "fall out of love" with me, but my husband could. Suddenly, I was worried that he might want to be with someone more attractive, more fun, or smarter than me. For the first time in my life I became wary of/jealous of other females. I no longer liked movies I used to like because of some inexplicable worry that my husband might want to be with someone like that instead of me. This seems completely dumb, even to myself, but I'm trying to be 100% honest about my biases here. I have been married for ten years now and honestly have a more awesome marriage than I ever could have expected, and yet those anxieties must be hanging out in the back of my mind because I became uncomfortable watching a woman so beautiful, sexy and strong dance while my husband and I watched. Personal insecurities at play here.
Bias 2- Athlete: I watch the Super Bowl for the football, although I did cry during this year's Google commercial. I have never understood the need for half-time shows or even cheerleaders at sporting events (especially since I feel like they aren't usually actually leading the crowd in cheers). Cheerleading is difficult and a sport of its own but I have yet to understand why they need to add an additional sporting event on the sideline of basketball or football. It would be strange to have someone come on-stage during an intermission of a play to sing or juggle... not sure if I'm making sense. We're there to watch the sport, during half-time is when you talk about the half you just watched and what you're expecting in the half to come.
Bias 3- Non-dancer: I don't have enough skill in or knowledge of dance to speak to the technical difficulty or artistic side of the performance.
Bias 4- Mom: Being a mom is the only reason I have even thought about the half time performance so much. I regularly think about what I'm teaching my children and why. Being a mom makes me think about what I believe, think and how I act because I know the tremendous influence I have on my kids. Had my children been awake, I still would have fastforwarded to the game. I know my kids would have asked about the clothing choices and about Shakira shaking her bottom (they regularly shake their bottoms at each other as an insult and say things like, "poop on you"). We would have talked about it and had a really good conversation.
My personal opinion about those making a big deal about children being "exposed" to sexuality in the halftime show: parents have a choice to turn it off or change the channel if they're uncomfortable with anything on TV. And honestly, I think it's an important conversation-starter if you're concerned about your kids being exposed to sexual material because it happens all the time! Teach them that if they're uncomfortable with something, they have the power to stop it from continuing. If people want to write to the NFL and ask for more child-friendly half time performances, I think that's great. I don't know that it will change anything because the NFL and Super Bowl's target audiences are not little kids and the cheerleaders often wear as little as J Lo and Shakira did and they're at every game.
Bias 5- Straight: Again, pure honesty and vulnerability here. I have never once wanted to kiss another woman and I love the male body (especially Allen's 😉) , but I find the female body more sensual/sexual so watching a man do a similar dance would be less arousing.
Bias 6- Religion: As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was taught to be modest in my clothing. Most modesty conversations were focused on not having too short of shorts or sleeveless shirts or skimpy swim suits. I honestly wasn't very interested in clothes or fashion and didn't really care about what I should/shouldn't wear... I just wore soccer shorts and baggy T-shirts (still do most of the time) but was aware of the expectation to not wear revealing clothes. We were also taught to not arouse sexual feelings prior to marriage in ourselves or others in our music, books, movies, attire, dance, speech, etc.
All of these teachings can combine to make members of the church very judgmental of others not following the same code of conduct. I believe I'm being honest when I say that I don't judge others for dressing, behaving, and living however they see fit. I think the part of the half time performance that my religious bias influenced was not being sure what to do with the potential for sexual arousal because the performance was more sensual than what we usually watch.
Bias 7- White American: I moved to China when I was 10 and in living in a foreign country and attending an international school, I became aware of cultural differences at a young age. I learned that privacy was not something to be taken for granted. I remember going to the bathroom at Disney On Ice a month or so after moving to China and was shocked by the lines of people literally entering the bathroom stalls with all the doors opened and unused. I will forever be grateful for the women who recognized my sister and my shocked looks and helped box out some of the women to allow the two of us to privacy in the stall as I helped Jenni use her first squatty potty.
I remember going to Thailand and seeing topless European women at the beach; I was more mystified by the braided armpit hair on one woman than the fact that she was topless in public. I remember Brasilian friends showing me the bottle dance that they learned at a young age. I can't remember what it was called, but it was essentially dancing provocatively over a bottle. There are many countries with national dances that are sexual in nature. I remember going to the Polynesian Cultural Center and being surprised that the Church that encouraged me to wear a modest one-piece swim suit had women dancing in bikini tops and skirts but it was okay because it was cultural.
Since Shakira and J Lo were paying homage to their roots, does that make their dances and outfits culturally appropriate for the performance?
Was it overly sexual and degrading to women? Or was it empowering to women? It depends on who you ask and their background. I did find it sexual. I did not find it degrading. I wish I had the talent and looks of those women. I don't feel empowered by their performance, but I feel like more of the empowerment that people felt had to do with the parts I didn't watch, that were empowering to Latinas and not to women in general.
In conclusion, I have no conclusion. I don't feel like I can assign a "right" or "wrong" to the performance. I just wanted to explore my feelings and the causes of them because I think its important to check our biases. Will I watch the half time show in its entirety to determine what I think? No. I think of all of the millions of things that go on each day, one twenty minute performance isn't worth all of the controversy, anger, backlash and time people are giving to it.
While she showered, I gathered pajamas for everyone with her question on my mind. As soon as she was out of the shower and I was helping her brush her wet hair, she repeated her question, "Why are my nipples inappropriate and Garrett's aren't?" By now Caleb was getting in the shower and wanted to hear our conversation and took the fastest shower I've ever seen him take.
Side note: We are a very open family in the way of nudity... not intentionally I suppose, but my kids are frequently walking in and out of our bathroom and see Allen, me, and one another naked. The only conversation I remember Allen and I having about it was when I asked if he thought we should start keeping the kids out of the bathroom when we showered. His response was, "They'll get to a point where they are embarrassed to see us naked and they'll stop walking in."
Having nudity non-taboo in our home naturally begins a lot of good conversations with our kids about our bodies, puberty, pornography, sexual safety, boundaries, etc. Why does the skin on your belly look funny Mom? Why is there hair there? When will I get breasts? Do not take pictures or videos of anyone else or yourself naked (as they walk in taking pictures of me in the shower on my phone). Oops, my bottom is one of my private parts, don't touch it.
I digress, back to the question at hand. My response was along the following lines: Leila, your nipples are not inappropriate. Our private parts are not inappropriate. Our whole bodies, including our nipples, are beautiful and awesome! Our bodies do amazing things and our privates are important. When we've said that you need to wear a swim top to swim or a shirt to go out of the house, it is because it is inappropriate to show our private parts to others. There are other countries and cultures where a girl's/woman's nipples are not considered a private part. In America, they are and so we keep them covered when we are not in private.
Our conversation continued for a lot longer than I intended, as they had more body questions, but what I want to hash out now is where my thoughts turned when I discussed cultural differences regarding what is/is not appropriate.
This was Tuesday night; the Super Bowl and it's "controversial" half time show were fresh on my mind, as the Super Bowl had just been on Sunday and there had been a lot of people having big reactions to the half time show on social media. We had paused the game during the second quarter to get our kids to bed and were cleaning up the kitchen when halftime began. Allen and I were cleaning and halfway watching but when the pole came on stage, we felt uncomfortable with the direction the performance may be headed and fastforwarded to the start of the second half.
I didn't really give the half time show another thought until everyone on social media started sharing their opinions of it. I read a couple of articles about the performance and have continued to ruminate on my thoughts and feelings with regards to Shakira and J Lo's performance and everyone's reactions to it. And now here's where my conversation with Leila opened my eyes a little... hundreds of thousands of people can watch the same performance and have completely different opinions about it because what each person deems appropriate is different based on their cultural/background differences.
I wanted to take a step back and see what made me uncomfortable when I watched it. So first I looked at my background with regards to the show: white, straight, married, religious, mom, non-dancer, athlete... in no particular order:
Bias 1- Married: If I were single, I would have watched and enjoyed the half time show. Get ready for complete vulnerability here; this is something I have only ever admitted to my journal and to Allen because it's embarrassing: after getting married I started having issues with anxiety. I grew up in a home where I felt loved, accepted and safe. Getting married made me realize that I was suddenly more emotionally dependent on another person than I'd ever been. My parents wouldn't "fall out of love" with me, but my husband could. Suddenly, I was worried that he might want to be with someone more attractive, more fun, or smarter than me. For the first time in my life I became wary of/jealous of other females. I no longer liked movies I used to like because of some inexplicable worry that my husband might want to be with someone like that instead of me. This seems completely dumb, even to myself, but I'm trying to be 100% honest about my biases here. I have been married for ten years now and honestly have a more awesome marriage than I ever could have expected, and yet those anxieties must be hanging out in the back of my mind because I became uncomfortable watching a woman so beautiful, sexy and strong dance while my husband and I watched. Personal insecurities at play here.
Bias 2- Athlete: I watch the Super Bowl for the football, although I did cry during this year's Google commercial. I have never understood the need for half-time shows or even cheerleaders at sporting events (especially since I feel like they aren't usually actually leading the crowd in cheers). Cheerleading is difficult and a sport of its own but I have yet to understand why they need to add an additional sporting event on the sideline of basketball or football. It would be strange to have someone come on-stage during an intermission of a play to sing or juggle... not sure if I'm making sense. We're there to watch the sport, during half-time is when you talk about the half you just watched and what you're expecting in the half to come.
Bias 3- Non-dancer: I don't have enough skill in or knowledge of dance to speak to the technical difficulty or artistic side of the performance.
Bias 4- Mom: Being a mom is the only reason I have even thought about the half time performance so much. I regularly think about what I'm teaching my children and why. Being a mom makes me think about what I believe, think and how I act because I know the tremendous influence I have on my kids. Had my children been awake, I still would have fastforwarded to the game. I know my kids would have asked about the clothing choices and about Shakira shaking her bottom (they regularly shake their bottoms at each other as an insult and say things like, "poop on you"). We would have talked about it and had a really good conversation.
My personal opinion about those making a big deal about children being "exposed" to sexuality in the halftime show: parents have a choice to turn it off or change the channel if they're uncomfortable with anything on TV. And honestly, I think it's an important conversation-starter if you're concerned about your kids being exposed to sexual material because it happens all the time! Teach them that if they're uncomfortable with something, they have the power to stop it from continuing. If people want to write to the NFL and ask for more child-friendly half time performances, I think that's great. I don't know that it will change anything because the NFL and Super Bowl's target audiences are not little kids and the cheerleaders often wear as little as J Lo and Shakira did and they're at every game.
Bias 5- Straight: Again, pure honesty and vulnerability here. I have never once wanted to kiss another woman and I love the male body (especially Allen's 😉) , but I find the female body more sensual/sexual so watching a man do a similar dance would be less arousing.
Bias 6- Religion: As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was taught to be modest in my clothing. Most modesty conversations were focused on not having too short of shorts or sleeveless shirts or skimpy swim suits. I honestly wasn't very interested in clothes or fashion and didn't really care about what I should/shouldn't wear... I just wore soccer shorts and baggy T-shirts (still do most of the time) but was aware of the expectation to not wear revealing clothes. We were also taught to not arouse sexual feelings prior to marriage in ourselves or others in our music, books, movies, attire, dance, speech, etc.
All of these teachings can combine to make members of the church very judgmental of others not following the same code of conduct. I believe I'm being honest when I say that I don't judge others for dressing, behaving, and living however they see fit. I think the part of the half time performance that my religious bias influenced was not being sure what to do with the potential for sexual arousal because the performance was more sensual than what we usually watch.
Bias 7- White American: I moved to China when I was 10 and in living in a foreign country and attending an international school, I became aware of cultural differences at a young age. I learned that privacy was not something to be taken for granted. I remember going to the bathroom at Disney On Ice a month or so after moving to China and was shocked by the lines of people literally entering the bathroom stalls with all the doors opened and unused. I will forever be grateful for the women who recognized my sister and my shocked looks and helped box out some of the women to allow the two of us to privacy in the stall as I helped Jenni use her first squatty potty.
I remember going to Thailand and seeing topless European women at the beach; I was more mystified by the braided armpit hair on one woman than the fact that she was topless in public. I remember Brasilian friends showing me the bottle dance that they learned at a young age. I can't remember what it was called, but it was essentially dancing provocatively over a bottle. There are many countries with national dances that are sexual in nature. I remember going to the Polynesian Cultural Center and being surprised that the Church that encouraged me to wear a modest one-piece swim suit had women dancing in bikini tops and skirts but it was okay because it was cultural.
Since Shakira and J Lo were paying homage to their roots, does that make their dances and outfits culturally appropriate for the performance?
Was it overly sexual and degrading to women? Or was it empowering to women? It depends on who you ask and their background. I did find it sexual. I did not find it degrading. I wish I had the talent and looks of those women. I don't feel empowered by their performance, but I feel like more of the empowerment that people felt had to do with the parts I didn't watch, that were empowering to Latinas and not to women in general.
In conclusion, I have no conclusion. I don't feel like I can assign a "right" or "wrong" to the performance. I just wanted to explore my feelings and the causes of them because I think its important to check our biases. Will I watch the half time show in its entirety to determine what I think? No. I think of all of the millions of things that go on each day, one twenty minute performance isn't worth all of the controversy, anger, backlash and time people are giving to it.
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